Treatment - Day 26

At 2:39pm this afternoon I received the call. I am scheduled to meet with an intake specialist at Po’ailani tomorrow morning at 8:30am. I will be admitted for an undetermined amount of time. I’m going to treatment.

I have been told I can bring two bags of clothes and personal belongings with me. I’m going to pack my clothes, a handful of photos, my personal hygiene products, a stack of blank notebooks and the portal bell. Everything else will either stay in Chinatown for when I’ve completed the course or be shipped back to Seattle for when I return home.

I cannot bring my computer with me and will not have internet access while I’m there. I had been warned that this would likely be the case. However just because won’t be seeing regular blog posts doesn’t mean I won’t be writing. Upon my discharge you can expect a flood of posts from the time I’ve spent there. There’s a good reason I’m taking a multitude of notebooks.

I’m experiencing a range of emotions right now. At first I was excited. After four months of fighting I’m finally at the end. I’m getting exactly what I was fighting for.

And then the fear set in. This isn’t the end. There is no end to this battle. I have done well so far on my own, but I’ve only touched the surface. What happens when I unearth the things buried even deeper? What if I can’t handle it? What if it makes things worse? Is that possible?

The most horrific face of God has taken the form of Phobos. I have been staring at it for over seven hours now.

“You aren’t ready. Blink.”

I’m never going to be ready, but I not willing to wait any longer. No.

“I am still holding back, this will only force me to hurt you more. Blink.”

I am familiar with pain. No.

“Hahaha, you have no idea the maelstrom I am about to unleash upon you. Blink.”

You are right, but you are not what I fear most. No.

“There is nothing you could possible fear more than me. Blink.”

Dying here on this island. That fear is stronger than you could ever be. No.

“Fool! You have only told me how to break you. Blink.”

I’m going home and you’re coming with me. No.